Memory of Today

I once heard a description of calling that it is your soul reaching out to your future best-self having a memory. 

Last year at this time I was hungry for our first year of growing our own food and homeschooling.  Many pieces had been around a long time, but this year would be the first time it all came together.  Where the pasture is today, was only dirt with the promise of seeds laying in wait.  Our first eggs were coming into the house as the chicks we had raised since day-old's matured into layers.  Our garden spot was mostly cleared and reading for tilling.  Homeschooling had been a fact for many years, but the children's studies were disconnected.

Last year I felt a strong calling to growing our own food.  I yearned for a big garden, with large variety, enough to feed us all.  We started plowing, planting, pulling weeds, harvesting, and preserving.  The summer was a parade of fruits and vegetables coming in the house to shell, blanch, freeze, can, and cure.  Today we eat full-flavored food, still glistening with the touch of God bringing them into being.

Last year I felt a strong calling for a milk cow.  I yearned for the pasture to grow and the shed to be built.   My husband went along somewhat reluctantly, but he's used to going along when I'm passionate.  The other day as we were milking together in the morning sun, he said, "I'm so glad we got Christina."  We drink the best milk we've ever tasted, almost a gallon of cream a day, and our days pulse with cow affection.  Our cows hug, wag tails, and feed us deeply.

Last year I felt a strong calling to the family life of homeschooling.  We had been homeschooling for years, but I yearned for a new choreography of learning, working, and playing together.  Learning had been segmented, the way it was when I was in school, but we gently found a new dance of learning and living.

All of these were magnetic forces pulling on my heart, things that felt crazy but succulent.  At the time it was scary.  What if it wasn't calling?  What if it was just infatuation with an idea?  Friends shook their heads, disbelieving we would voluntarily work so hard.  It did feel crazy, but the feelings were so persistent and somewhat intoxicating.  We were afraid of regret, but we proceeded.

Today we have no regrets.  Our life doesn't feel crazy or foolish.  We don't feel trapped into hard farm work; instead we feel freedom, gratitude, and a strong sense of things being right.  Today we are satisfied.

Last year maybe I was feeling a memory of today.