Failure

When people hear about the way we live, I get told, "you're so amazing."  I smile, knowing it's nice, but inwardly shaking my head.  People say that when they've seen only my successes.  They don't see my failures.  Today I had a big one.

I started two quarts of cream for cream cheese.  The first step is to warm it up to 86ºF and let it ripen (culture grow) for twelve hours.  I got everything in the pot, turned the stove on, and walked away.  When the smell called us back, it had turned into a black mess.

I have been leading a retreat on God's unfailing love, regardless of our failures or mistakes, but when I discovered this pot, I was immediately filled with a sense of failure and discouragement that spilled out into every part of my life.  How could I have forgotten it?  I ruined the cream and almost ruined the pot.  I failed just like I have failed at so many things.  I feel like I should curl up and stay away to protect the world from myself.  We need to make mozzarella today, but I asked my husband to do it because I don't trust myself. 

Running away after mistakes is a common human condition, one that I am very familiar with.  Peter failed way bigger than just forgetting stuff on the stove, and he was completely redeemed.  Mary Magdalene was filled with despair at the crucifixion but she was later filled with great joy.  But neither of them had to quickly snap out of it.  God gave them time.  Thank God for time.